The Curious Case of Oliver and Teenagers

Everyone is asleep around here and I’m trying to figure out the reaction of someone else’s dog.

Oliver has been on this planet for 10 months, he is very smart and a ball of joy. He loves your attention as long as you are not a teenager. He gets very defensive/aggressive when teenagers get near. I am talking about wildly jumping around and barking as if he is feeling in danger and seeking help.

Yesterday, a kid noticed us from across the street and shouted his question for me. I shouted back with a yes, he dropped his bike, ran to pet the dog, and the dog lost it. I gave the kid a treat to make friends with Oliver, but Oliver was not having it. The boy did not look like a teenager to me. Of course I had to get creepy and ask his age to make sure the same reaction was happening again around a teenager. He was a 14-year-old. A minute later, a little girl ran to Oliver and roughly grabbed him by the neck. She was so quick, it freaked me out. He was in heaven. He loved it! Today, again he lost his temper when teenagers got close.

Can’t find anything on this and the curiosity is itchy. Is it the body odor of a teenager that doesn’t please Oliver? Why does he love kids grabbing him as if he is a slice of pizza but he wants to bite and run away from a teenager? Could it be related to his illness? Oliver has been dealing with bronchitis (it wasn’t my fault; he came here with it). Is it a spiritual thing? Might as well get illogical.

We have a week left together, baby. Help me figure this out. Talk to me. What is it? I hate not finding answers. It’s worse when you bring up a question and you get that “How fucking insane are you?” look. Do you get that look? Man, I get it too often.

P.S. He really likes me. <3

Tumblr G

Is anyone willing to make a sexual gif with me to share on Tumblr? I want thousands of reblogs, okay? We can’t half-ass it. We have to get real anal about this. We have to expose the rawness of the matter. We have to penetrate the core. If this offer tickles your pickle, e-mail me at and we’ll go with the flow.

Khamala Khamala

I love violent Middle Eastern jokes. I love falling asleep and having nightmares about my little girl life, the Iran-Iraq war and our running away from bombs. I love it when people ask me if I ever killed someone in the Middle East. I love it when people ask me if I know a terrorist. More than that, I love it when people ask me if I am a terrorist. Especially, I have always loved the extra attention at the airport. If I do go ahead and learn how to fly, I will love hearing someone comment on how I want to fly and crash into a building while shouting a prayer. It’s a lovely deal all over. Thanks to those who participate. Your words linger like honey on the soul. Thank you.


Dog Food

Got the sweet potato for Oliver. He really liked them.

Vegan Ground

A treat for myself. One of the favorites.


These cookies are stalking now. I noticed one of the bags chasing me in a Bugatti for twenty minutes until a red light saved the day.


Heading out to buy a first meeting gift for a dog. My sweetie pie is back from his Hawaii vacation and he brought a dog! The dog is a guest here for some time. The excitement is overwhelming right now!

We’ll try to keep him alive. I said try. We wouldn’t eat him. I said wouldn’t.

Pitched TPC to six agencies and four of them have answered with a request. Never before this happened. It’s like that, huh? You want to read crazy? You want crazy? Got PLENTY of that.

Why am I not excited about this? *Yawn* Could be because I know how wrong it can go. They suffocated the enthusiasm many years ago.

Try & Eat

Doing a little late night sun tanning indoors.

Here is a picture of me trying that smiling thing:


Still trying:


Ah, forget about it. Let’s eat some black beans with rice and take a picture while battling trapped bean skin:


Mmmm, it’s really good.

(Panic attack is happening. Distract it. Giving it your full attention won’t help.)

Right Foods

These things exist:

Veg Chick



These are 3 examples.

Give your kids better nuggets. Don’t tell them it’s healthy and they’ll like it. I tried vegan chicken patties one time and couldn’t finish one because it tasted exactly like chicken (if I want the taste of chicken in my mouth, I’ll have chicken). If you fancy the flavor of chicken, every once in a while you could go for these better options. The Gimme Lean beef can look like red meat when cooked, but it does not taste like it. I’m a fan.


Finished the script. I’ve written over a hundred scripts, but this one had a completely different vibe. I flew to wildly unexplored territories. It is the most adventurous, fun, dramatic, crazy, violent, emotional, sweet, romantic and difficult script I’ve created. You know how you go to the store to buy that one thing on mind and end up leaving with a bunch of other things you weren’t thinking about? Something like that happened. All I wanted to do was write one more story and the journey ended in a wholly different way.

Imagination is a sensational gift. We all possess it. Right behind the screen of my laptop I had the most exciting road trip with six people that are now my new friends. You don’t have to spend time writing down imaginary adventures. Maybe you have three kids and no nanny. You don’t have this kind of time. You can get it done sitting in traffic for example. Instead of honking, cursing and yelling at the kids to keep quiet, go to a fun place in your head. Make sure you move when the traffic moves. You don’t want to piss off the wrong person behind you. Showering also gives you time for it. Don’t be afraid to close your physical eyes and open the imaginary. *Throws rainbow sprinkles up in the air.*

Oh, no. The sun is waking up. GO BACK TO SLEEP, YOU BRIGHT BULB!

Te Dejo Madrid

Three of my ghosts have arrived from Los Angeles. We shared a roof for a few months in 1996 when I arrived in Madrid, Spain. I moved to Seville and didn’t see them again. They are friendly ghosts and the negativity buzzing under the skin right now doesn’t have anything to do with them. My past is overwhelmingly present on mind and through others around. I have not met a new future yet.

Maybe there will be a picture… probably not. It’s not exactly a good time. They’re here for a relative’s funeral. I didn’t know her.

Speaking of España, I had the best bread there. Is that a thing? Do you hear people comment on the bread in Spain? I lived there for years and can’t think of anything more enjoyable than the light bread. They must have a secret formula.


Missed my favorite poisonous vegan cookie, went to grab one, and it got better.


If you think I should be ashamed of this, you are wrong.

By the way, Loui is looking very cute on it. Niall is looking like a wax. Hey, Harry! Yes, I know their names. If you think I should be double ashamed, I say Oreo should be ashamed of publishing “Double Stuf.” Stuf? How long has this been going on? Is this because it’s not double the stuff? Okay, we’re giving a cookie too much time.

P.S. White Oreo is not a strict vegan deal because of the milky machines.

P.S.S. ALMOND DREAM/RICE DREAM bites might also contain dairy. Read the warning on the back. The list goes on.

Hasta La Pasta

When people from your past come back with unpleasant memories you tried covering with a thousand shovels for many years, facing the ghosts makes you realize everything will remain on the surface… forever.

Mercy. Oh, mercy mercy mercy.

Perhaps a shower will help. What day is this? Out there I kept telling people it’s Thursday. No one corrected me.


You know, I’ve been trying to get moving for hours now because I have things to do out there, but considering I have not slept in three days, it’s like this:

Kill Meeee

Promise, this is the last entry of the day. We can do this! I am a… what did the Japanese say? All of that. Going now… after this… heading out… leaving… out… now… yeah.

P.S. Blame Seth MacFarlane if that image disturbed you. It is all Seth MacFarlane’s fault. It is always the government and MacFarlane’s fault.

P.S.S. Another thing. The other day-ALRIGHT, I’m leaving!

Intrusive Blood

Did you know that anthropologists believe that type AB blood did not originate until 900-1000 years ago and came into existence when eastern Mongolian invaders overran the last of European civilization?

Well, that explains a lot. Let’s check the following:


Cool, controlled, rational, socia-ahahahaha! AHAHAHAHAHA!! Sociable and adaptable. Not bad. Critical? Who the hell are you to judge me so rudely?! Was that too harsh? I’m sorry… maybe I’m not sorry. What were we talking about? Dang, I forgot to pay that bill. DON’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO! You look really nice in that shirt, by the way.

Loving Grace

Went looking for something that had nothing to do with food and ended up playing this:

You see that? If you really want to do it, do it. It doesn’t have to be perfect in a technical way. It can be a perfect idea, and a perfect idea should rule technicality.

(I hope the whole thing was her idea, she really does love food and will take you on food adventures through your TV someday.)

Disgusting Germaphobes

Are you someone who has expressed “Marilyn Manson is so nasty, I would catch fifty diseases by shaking his hand”? If you do think that and cross path with this, I’d like to share a little story for you to use along with those comments.

I’ve watched Marilyn Manson sign objects and body parts, and I’ve watched him do so with different markers. That’s right. Marilyn Manson is so nasty, he wants to sign your book with one marker and your butt with another. Why, you ask? He wants to avoid spreading germs. He is that repulsive, my clean friend.

Add that rock star hardcore bad bit next time.


You’re a dove with a dragon mask I’d like to break. You created the dragon to protect the dove, but it’s burning you under the ashes you can’t take.

Pantene Sorry









Went looking for a blank card and came back with this:





Also got red Pilot pens. Might as well pretend.

There is only 1 bulb in this room. Let’s make it more visible. Outside: I believe in mind over matter. I believe in the human spirit to prevail. I believe in miracles and blessings, both great and small. I believe in possibilities. I believe that hurdles in life are meant to be jumped over, not as something to stop us. Inside: I believe in you. It’s also the recycled kind. I believe this one is heading to Canada on Friday.

Did You Get That?

Had a random thought while thinking of another random thing. In movies, Jason Bateman usually looks as if he farted, the smell punched his nose and he is wondering about people around him knowing it was him. Ryan Gosling usually has that “I smell that shit” look. Put them in a movie together because this is magical.

Jason Bateman Ryan Gosling

I like Jason.

IMDb Rank

If you are a very famous movie, TV show, celebrity and more… you could say it’s valid you are on top of their list, especially when fresh news drop. Now, if you are let’s say NOT a very known actor and you see the red turn green, don’t get too excited about it. It doesn’t mean anything. If today your green turns red, don’t get upset about it. You didn’t do anything wrong the past week to make it happen. Let’s show an example:

IMDb Ranking

I created a profile there for kicks. IMDb charged me double a few times (they gave it back), annoyed me, and you know how that ends. I quit them and deleted everything there, but the name is still around. That was last year. This is Monday’s updated rank. Do you think anyone the past week cared to look me up there? That is not victory. That number is the matrix of IMDb. My ghost went up 4,198,583 steps and had a picnic on Neptune.

Someone told me his STARmeter went up high this week and that means agents are looking and/or others are interested. Of course I needed to be heartless about it and smack the bubble. That was not a metaphor. The guy spends a lot of time on IMDb, deeply cares about his photos section, asks everyone to check his profile to get on top and all that jazz. It’s pointless, darlings. Give your energy to another location and maybe you’ll get on top while you’re not thinking of these places because you’re too busy working as an actor. Do you think Johnny Depp is obsessed about his IMDb profile?

W riters

It hurts looking at paid writers share messages online with destroyed grammar. Tonight I read about eighteen Twitter messages from successful writers that have contracts and get paid to write… but they don’t know how to use a comma. All of their messages carry fucked up grammar. They would defend themselves by claiming it’s about not putting much effort into the silliness of Twitter. I believe a real writer cares about the structure of a sentence even when it’s on the wall of a public restroom. It’s worse when those mistakes happen in serious journalism or in pages of best-selling novels I flip.

English is my 4th language. If I make a mistake, you should forgive it (even though I won’t). You were born and raised here, your parents paid for your education, you got hired, and you don’t give a damn about the rules of your career. You get paid to do it wrong and others get paid to not edit it right. How do you people get these jobs?!

UFO Visit

Threw away the rest, kept Roger and took a picture of him. Look what happened! His UFO showed up!


Do you see it?

By the way, it’s not that I am terrible with Paint… that is me right there. A nap will fix that… a nap or plastic surgery. You like my nightstand rosey heart? Those are Martha Stewart stickers. Hahaha! Seriously. Look at Roger all confused, poor guy. ‘K, done. Don’t want to keep the UFO crew waiting.

Update: Thanks to this UFO picture, I realized one of roses on top had moved out of place. It’s fixed now. You know with the stickers, they can still move around two years later. Can’t imagine what the aliens thought of that. How shameful.


A tad better, yes? Thanks, Roger!

Sunorigami Fun

Good morning! Did you sleep well? This happened over here:

Alien Origami

There are no words that can turn the decision behind that picture into a sane one. Morgan Freeman [narrating]: I wish I could tell you she thought that decision was wrong, and she did not name the gray alien Roger. I wish I could tell you that, but her life was never a fairy tale.

Below you can watch the hands that lectured me. It’s a breeze making it, unlike that money camera. Speaking of the camera, I’ll get new paper for it because this size of paper does not allow a lens to grow. The process of that one keeps asking for more resentment. Let’s go:

It’s fun and when you turn it around to meet the alien’s head for the first time, it’s so cool like “Heyyyyyy! There you are! You came!” Show it to your kiddo. Keep them busy with origami for a while just so maybe you can sit on the toilet peacefully.

By the way, Mr. Freeman can manage a plane. That’s right. He said, “If you can drive a car, you can fly a plane.” It’s been one of my top five dreams. Why am I not doing the pilot thing already? Because Morgan Freeman can afford that lifestyle and you can’t, that’s why. Let’s say you do go ahead and learn it. After you get the permit, do you think a plane will magically appear at your feet with a bow on it? You don’t even have a fucking passport right now. Where the hell do you-okay, I’ll take this elsewhere.

Harmless Harvest Disappointment II

First, they go from vegan to selling teas with honey. Now this:


You must be kidding. I used to find a couple of small bottles left with the $2.99 price under them. Now the whole section is full with that new price. Pack your swimsuit and get ready for the wave of Chapter 11, Harmless Harvest. Are we going to act foolish and support this? You enlarged the bottle and let greed make it worse.

May lightning strike me to grill every organ if ever again this company buys me as a customer. We’re done for good. I took the picture and walked away with a laugh.

How to Train Your Dog

Played it at least 20 times. Two of my favorites in one video (dog and broccoli). Kudos to Amanda. Hoping she does really well for “Ted 2.”

Oh, speaking of Ted, the other day someone mentioned the first one and I thought it would be cool if they include a few lines about “A Million Ways to Die in the West” in the new one. How? Not sure. Something along the lines:

Ted: C’mon! I know it sounds risky, but it can’t possibly do worse than a million ways to die in the west.

John: What’s that?

Ted: Oh, it was this western comedy that totally bombed.

John: Huh, never saw it.


Didn’t get a passport after becoming a U.S. citizen, the citizenship certificate got shredded by accident, and after you apply for a replacement, it takes at least six months for the USCIS to send you a new one. They take your $345.00 right away that same day they get the check with your application, but you’ll have to wait at least half a year for a response. Also, it is possible an issue appears out of nowhere and you have to wait longer. $345.00 for one single piece of replacement paper was not bad enough. Right now, I have no proof of citizenship to show.

“You should get a notification by the end of September letting you know about the next step.” Ah, just as well.

Kids, get a passport right after you get your citizenship certificate, and lock these documents in a safer place.

TBT 2 Vexation

Let’s go back to the time this girl shed a tear out of frustration because of the camera origami.


Felt the urge to go for it again. It is still the one origami adventure that I did not enjoy at all. Have you tried the camera origami? G’UH!

The heart money tip was a quick process as usual.


Should I buy origami paper from Michaels for it or do it with money again? Hmmmm. As if it’s a must. No, this has to turn into an easy thing like with the heart and others. You are not more powerful, camera! Coming after you, bro.


Chidoriya World

Don’t recall sharing about them here. I got an e-mail from them announcing new products. Here is a pic I snapped from their store:

Japanese Advice

That is a great message right there. Spend less on products that harm your skin and explore healthier choices.

P.S. Their CAMELLIA OIL is excellent quality (and does good to hair and nails).


Chi World

Good folks.


Gossip is bothersome only because you are getting robbed of the talking back to the gossiper chance. You do the talk freely, I hear or read about it, and it’s too bad I couldn’t be there to shut you down. It’s not about hurt feelings to me in this case; it’s about missing opportunities.

Matcha Recommendation

Got told about this purchase because I keep inviting people to join the green tea club. No, I would never recommend such things:

Bad Matcha


Cane Sugar, Coconut Oil, Maltodextrin, Matcha Green Tea, Whole Milk Powder, Non Fat Milk Powder, Malted Milk Powder (Barley Malt, Wheat Flour, Milk, Bicarbonate of Soda, Salt), Natural Flavors, Sodium Caseinate (a Milk Derivative), Tricalcium Phosphate, Guar Gum, Mono and Diglycerides, Silicon Dioxide, Salt. CONTAINS MILK, WHEAT, AND COCONUT.

If you’re going for this type of mix, know you are far from getting the natural benefits of matcha. This one will create harm in your body. No doubt they’ve made it taste delicious (would bet a nostril this tastes amazing), but Cheetos also taste good and they’re poison. Mmmm, Cheetos… it’s been forever. ANYWAY, this is not the real deal, not even close to being close to it.

“Because straight Matcha is a little bitter, we couldn’t resist adding some milk and cane sugar to our mix.” That is not all you added, though. Besides, authentic matcha is not bitter, and your milk is working against it.

Please, get the good kind that has green tea as the only ingredient in the packaging. If you like it really sweet, you can add a bit of sugar or any other type of sweetener you use in other drinks. Also, know that the animal milk hurts this tea. It’s best mixing it with coconut, almond, rice, hemp or soy milk.

P.S. Yes, I am in love with this tea. No, I do not drink it for the benefits. It tastes obnoxiously good to me. It could be because of the vegetal taste that works for someone who feeds on vegetables mainly. If you’re not a fan of veggies, you might need the sweetener, but you do not need “Natural Flavors” and its team.

Wise Wonkeys


My version.

You Will See Evil. You Will Hear Evil. You Will Speak Against Evil.

Can you explain the existence of this font to me? Why don’t you add lemon juice ink font, too? Ink font too! I bet that means something in a language. It sounds like an insult. “What?! Ink font too!” No, wait. “I ink font too on your grave!” You say it out loud and it gives the vibe of a spit. Do it. No, say it loud and hard. Ink font too! You spat a bit, didn’t you?

What Am I?

Me: The fact that I am attracted to the type of man that only dates the dumb, usually blonde, easy to spread like left out butter in July type of woman… what does that say about me?

X: It’s not about you. It doesn’t say anything about you.

Me: It’s worrisome because it makes me question my personality and how I see myself as a female. Couldn’t that mean I am worse than the type he likes, especially considering his type doesn’t like me? If I see that type he likes as bad, and that makes me think he is not as good, doesn’t that mea-

X: You’re not dumb, you’re not blonde, you’re not letting anyone near your wooha, and you don’t do anything about the attraction. You just move past it. I say you enjoy your tea and stop judging yourself over every damn thing that has nothing to do with you. On the side, I think you choose to feel drawn to that type of scumbag because you really want to be by yourself and this way nothing happens and you’re still by yourself. Case closed. Sip your tea.