I need to get some sleep tonight and then run after this:
There isn’t one person on this planet who actually knows me. I keep it all locked for protection. Honestly, even though it feels safer this way, it would be nice finding that one human to fully trust.
The fact that I am trying my best to keep it together and drive to the ER on my own without telling anyone about it shows just how much faith I have in the adults surrounding me. I’ll call them from the emergency room if there is really bad news and someone has to come. If it’s nothing deadly, I’ll keep shush.
It will be an extra beautiful day today.
The tests done turned out perfect, they said everything was working fine, and that I looked extremely exhausted. Fuck that.
I’d regret the useless trip to the ER, but I met a man who strongly believed my being there while he was there was not a coincidence and God wanted us to meet. He said God wanted us to meet at that time to make each other feel better and pray to Him. The man wanted to make a deal: “I pray for you, and you pray for me.” As soon as I agreed, out loud he started praying for “this beautiful, sweet, young lady” (lying while praying, I see) and insisted I don’t forget him. He kept repeating his name and asking me to please remember him. If he did believe we were meant to meet, fine, I won’t regret my decision. Also, I rarely make promises, but when I do, it’s a must I go through. Even though I don’t pray… here it goes:
Dear God –
If You are out there, please, watch over Mr. X (well, You know his name) and protect him from all evil. Give him strength to go on. Oh, also, do not forget about him. Amen.
Dear Karma –
If you’re a real thing, return the favor and make something positive happen for that man today. While you’re at it, check in with me, too.
Dear Reality –
You better be good to nice people like that, you jerk!
Sold by Costco
Mmmmm, late night snacking. ANY given time snacking on this thing. Shove it in my mouth while I’m choking; that’s fine!
Would like to make this salad on my own because this already made version has ingredients added that I do not favor, but it’s still good food. The sea is letting you get high on its weed while nurturing you. Go for it.
On the news: Lindsay Lohan is so important, Oprah will not quit trying to help her. O-wow!
What did this girl ever do to deserve this type of attention? Who did Lindsay Lohan try to rescue? Have I been missing all of her giving efforts to help others? Sure, providing entertainment is good, but it’s still feeding your own needs exclusively if you just want to use this opportunity for your own pocket. I didn’t see Lindsay Lohan doing work that can teach the World, and I don’t recall hearing or reading about Lindsay Lohan in a generous human way. It’s not that I am letting the negativity attached to her name make her less likeable in my eyes, but if you are just there, and your life is all about you trying to better (or ruin) your own life only, why should you deserve anyone try to make your life wonderful when you don’t try to do so for anyone?
I can’t believe Oprah is trying her best to rescue a girl named Lindsay Lohan. Oprah is just getting a job done. I am not her fan, never against her, but I’m not buying it. When the Lindsay Lohan type is getting this kind of attention, I will only see it as a collection of that evil green, not a caring move. The day I hear Oprah talk about how much she cares and wants to rescue someone like Lindsay Lohan and I go “Man, Oprah really cares about this one,” I might as well go run into a knife and let someone else use my air.
What am I saying?
1. Won’t buy what you are selling if it’s your job to sell it and it doesn’t have a tag on it.
2. Try to better the life of someone who isn’t just narcissistically focused on the personal, never attempting to better the lives of others, and especially go this way with it when it gets recorded in the present to become history and it’s an example. Put lost souls under that spotlight. Give those who gave and lost their way another chance. There should be celebrities like that, no? Didn’t you do this with Lindsay Lohan already? How many more rounds?
3. Wishing Lindsay Lohan and her type decide to live outside the box. That could be the key to the personal rescue.
Shutting up now… for now.
X: So… what are you doing after this? Wanna hang with me for a bit?
Me: We were just talking about the Wii games. Where did that come from?
X: Haha! Was that a no?
Me: What year were you born?
Me: Because I think I am old enough to be your cool aunt.
X: What?! How baby do I look to you?! I’m freaking 19!
Me: I’m freaking 31.
X: What?! I don’t believe that for a second.
Me: It’s true. Well, I should go. Have a good one, and do your homework. Hah!
X: Wait, no! So… no?
This happens every now and then. Is it flattering or do I need to make some changes on this appearance? Maybe I need new clothes. Maybe I need to not be checking Wii games.
It is 3:49 A.M. and I am educating myself about unsolved murders.
X: What is your favorite sport?
Me: Oh, I’ve played volleyball, basketball, tennis, ping-pong, and I just like sports in general.
X: Wow! Cool, cool. Which one are you really good at?
Me: Chess and backgammon.
P.S. Driving aimlessly for hours is always good therapy… until the moment you are ready to get out of the car and it feels like your sacrum is about to rip your anus in half and drop down under. What? It never felt like that to you? Yeah, no no, no, no, I was just trying to make a joke.
Went to my darling Arvel Bird’s YT to see what’s new with him nowadays and found this girl through his likes. I like.
This weather beautifully fits my personality like a glove.
This picture incontestably shows my love of green tea/insanity.
These old shoes are telling me I’ve failed them (or that artificial leather doesn’t last many years).
My only complaint about rain is that it won’t let me enjoy it with the windows open. I just finished showering and then having to clean up the mess waiting under the window.
Rainy, don’t go away too soon. I need to get out of California and move where the sun doesn’t shine. London? You want me, London? Aliens, please, beam me up and drop me there as soon as that huge bulb in the sky starts melting me again. Thanks.
Looking up Cosmos: A Space-Time Odyssey and finding countless writers using Seth MacFarlane’s jokes against the main message within this project is making me shake my head and wanting to calmly hold up the mirror against the ignoramus. Naturally, the reflection will be transparent.
I’m excited about this. Hopefully, it will do that thing to me… that thing that freezes me in space and then commercials come, I snap out of it, my whole body is cold, there is some drool about to roll down but I suck it back in, smack my numb body to walk, and get me a snack very quickly so I don’t miss anything.
Should I tell my hardcore Catholic family to take a break from having fights with Bible in hand and watch this documentary? Hm, I better not. It’s been a while since I’ve been told I’m the devil, so, maybe I should keep this one quiet.
Baby, you’re getting your own space over here.
If you can afford cooking, you must give this one a try.
Such a big fan, I’m going to rap about it!
Baby, I love your spike,
The way you blend in sight,
Cooking inside my juicy sauce,
The way you spread on tongue,
I lick my lips and swallow you right,
Baby, I ain’t done with you tonight.
Money, gold, Mr. International baldie as pork,
Grill in my mouth, how much do I owe you?
Honey, I’mma show you.
Hold on tight!
Legend says, when you can’t sleep at night, it’s because you’re awake in someone else’s dream.
Wondering if that line was meant as a fawning message. This means the cure for insomnia lies beneath small potatoes.
Great, two cats just came to have sex under my window. I’ve had four hours of sleep in three days, darlings. Could you not drag it too long? Am I awake in your dreams as well? Because if-oh damn… take it easy there. *Headphones In*
Years back, I decided to come up with something and submit it to Uncommon Goods during their inviting invention month. They “reviewed” my idea and kindly rejected it. It didn’t upset me because they did it politely and because it was just something I felt like doing in the moment. It wasn’t a produced invention ready to get sold; all was well. Anyway, it was something I titled “Wheel Covers.” Basically, it was protection/decoration for the wheels of your suitcase or you could slap them on the wheels of your kid’s rolling backpack so your kid could have fun dragging the homework, get distracted and trip, all that good stuff. It would pretty up and protect your wheels from dirt or just help them get less dirty.
Let’s say you bring the suitcase inside your house after a trip, you take these covers off and then take in the suitcase with less dirt spreading everywhere. This now doesn’t make much sense to me because the whole suitcase would be dirty anyway and really, who drags a suitcase from outdoors into the home? Maybe people do, but I wouldn’t. Still, I think they could jazz up your travel bag and the kids would like it. I explained it to them in a more professional manner, but you get the silly idea. Look at this glorious invention:
Haha! I’m laughing looking at it, but hey, Uncommon Goods sells stuff like this:
You take my brilliant idea and sell it; I don’t mind. Perhaps you should make the thing instead of using clay and pencils to represent the idea.
Oh, I almost forgot! This invention is so mesmerizing, I almost forgot the second part of it. Wheel Covers would also offer skins. Wheel Covers would have its own website where you could go and pick skins for your wheels AND also choose your own design if you fancy. The company would make the skins as you wish, even if it’s the face of someone you hate and you’d like to drag this person’s face inside puddles. Maybe you’re a filthy-minded person and love the idea of boobs wrapped around your wheels and rolling in dirt on the streets. There would be a special corner on the website for those designs as well. This idea is so playful and covered with options, no? You know you’d love a set.
Do NOT watch your favorite romantic movie with me because I talk. If your movie is on this list, you should watch it awaaaaaaaay from me.
“Oh, come on! She is supposedly 17 and engaged and then she has sex with a stranger! Look, she is obviously crazy and trampy. She’s the possessive type, too. He’d call her a stalker down the road. If she let him be for a minute, they wouldn’t even hit the iceberg. The tragedy started with that damn kiss. Then at the end he is willing to die for her and she just lets him just like that! How about you go down in the water with him and die together, you selfish tramp? You just wanted a good time and he gave it to you; you didn’t love him. You did not deserve him. He must be dumb ’cause he died for someone who just let him. Why are you crying?”
“She’s nuts. She is engaged, has sex with an old love and then actually considers leaving him after all he’s been through and all he’s done for her? What was the point? You just wanted to find out what it could be like? You just wanted to pick up things where you left them off next to that piano? It’s so obvious she went back just because she is stubborn. Look, her own children don’t want her. See the way they look at her? They want her dead. They love their father and don’t give a damn about their mother because I bet she was out there living it up and then coming home to act crazy and their father put up with it all while raising them alone. He’s still devoted. She did not deserve him. She was the one who gave him all these heart problems. She killed him. Why are you crying?”
“Well, this is sick. Why didn’t he end up in jail? She’s a child. Besides, she can’t even play the part. I feel like I am watching a brother trying to teach his younger sister how to enjoy herself. Guh, I feel gross. Where are you going?”
“This movie is basically telling you to not be yourself so you can be loved. Great, now they’re flying. The whole thing was a dream, right?”
“Look, there is no way this could ever work out! Did you not observe how he looked at her and how he spoke to her when upset? Now every single time they have an argument, he’s gonna bring up she was a hooker and he picked her up to save her life. Did you see that kiss at the end? He was too grossed out to even open his mouth to kiss her because he had his eyes closed and was thinking of all the dicks she had in her mouth. How could anyone want these two together?”
“I read the book. They totally ruined his part with this movie. He was more romantic than this. Anyway, she’s another one who didn’t deserve the love of a good man. She was a bitch and then not too long after losing him, she romances another guy and has sex with another, and where? Where her dead husband came from. Then she finds out who he is and jumps back to bed so the guy chats to her about her dead husband… while they’re naked together. I so do not want her to be happy. Poor guy he loved the wrong woman even after death. Gerard Butler is hot, though.”
“Oh, great, they’re back. Once again, he’s chasing the easy lay. He only wants her because he is now old and she’s fun. He needs some excitement in his life. Actually, he is kind of lonely and desperate. Her? She just wants to be married and prove everyone she can do it. Look at them. There is no chemistry there. They’re just settling. He loves the cat more. The cat is cute. I love dogs.”
“Another movie for women telling them they have to exist for a man. I’m losing self-respect just watching this. You like this stuff? I gotta meet some new people.”
“Why is this type of woman a leading character? It’s cheap. Where are the strong female characters? Is this love? Cameron Diaz can’t play a romantic to save her life. The guy obviously wants the hot sex and a woman to help him raise those kids. What is the other one doing? Wait, she knew the guy was with another and she thought he was serious about her? Then she goes and gets mad at him? Who writes these scripts and who loves them? Well, obviously, you do. I can’t root for these women; they disgust me. The old man is pretty cool. She should marry the old man. I bet he can teach her a million things and she can give him a good time until he dies. Then again, if she really knew how to give a man a good time, maybe that other guy would have picked her. This is so lame.”
“I am not in the mood for a porno. Besides, I watch those movies when all alone.”
“She’s a lesbian. I mean if you can’t see that, I don’t know what to tell you. Look at how hard she tries to do the accent. I could just pinch her cheek she’s so cute.”
“Another one of those easy women. I don’t feel bad for him though because he did let her go. You go chase her and watch her die if you’re that in love! I would’ve done that. I’m not mad, though. I adore Keanu and Charlize. Why did they cut out their hot scenes? I read Keanu was mad they didn’t include all those hot scenes in the final cut. They put them through all that, demand them to simulate sex and then the director watches those scenes at home with his pants down. You know, I bet most directors demand those scenes just for kicks. Keanu is so cold. He’s like Cameron Diaz. I’m not buying he’s in love. Charlize is so beautiful and-see, now how do you eat meat and eggs and say you love animals? Why did they include that nonsense there? Let me tell you something about people who really love-NO, you’re gonna listen!”
The list goes on, but I’m done. The point has been made. Play “When a Man Loves a Woman” and I’ll keep quiet. That’s love.
Well, I was trying to fall asleep while thinking of my aunt’s birthday this Saturday. I became frustrated because I was trying to decide on the flowers to take to her grave for her birthday. “Do I buy them purple because it was her most liked color or do I buy the yellow ones because I call them happy flowers and she liked that? Should I get roses instead?” Mad at cancer and asking how it dared killing my aunt the way it did… and the fact that cancer didn’t kill anything at all hit me.
What did cancer kill? Why do I keep hearing and reading “Cancer Kills!”? They just tattooed that on my brain and I went along with it. “Cancer kills 50% more men than women” and such on the news, giving it away as if it’s logic wrapped in reality. We hear “cancer” and it shakes us to the core. When did we let this word become more powerful than “death”?
My aunt’s last breath happened because of pneumonia, and that type of pneumonia happened because malnutrition created a hole in her stomach, her body couldn’t function as well, alternatives could not overcome the damages, and then her body had to shut down. After her last breath, she looked peaceful and beautiful in a way I had not seen her while she was breathing. She is still very much alive through my existence. People loved her before and people love her still. The only difference now is that her body is no longer walking around us. No one’s body walks around for all eternity. We all leave the body somehow.
Kancer didn’t kill my aunt. Kancer didn’t kill her body, and kancer definitely did not kill her life before and her lingering life after. Death is truth, death is logic, and death is the end of your body only, not your entire existence. Your name and all you left behind continue to lurk in this life. I don’t know about an afterlife, I don’t know that my aunt’s spirit is in a place called heaven (though if there is a heaven, I do know it is the home of souls like hers), but it is very clear she is still here through those who knew of her. What did kancer kill?
Kancer doesn’t deserve the hype and the gifted freedom to rule, and I’m taking away its title in my books. I won’t even take it seriously enough to give it the big C. Kancer won’t get me to flip it off and cuss at it because: Firstly, I am a lady. Secondly, it is too much effort folding eight fingers and keeping up two. Lastly but most importantly, it is not significant enough to deserve my anger.
Kancer, you’re now the unfunny klown I’ll try to cheer up. Let’s have some fun.
It doesn’t matter how this body goes, it goes with death. This is how I am looking at it, and there is no going back. It took me too long getting here, but I’m glad it finally happened. It’s okay it’s 3am, I can hardly think straight and will most likely regret this post in the light of the day, I am grateful that anger is gone. That anger was bubbling inside of me just twenty minutes ago and now it’s not there because I cut off kancer’s strings. After all, I was the one who tied them in, not kancer.
Those painted flowers. I’ll get those. They have yellow, purple, and sometimes they place a red rose in the middle. I’m seeing clearly… even though my eyes are half-closed.
This is how I do it.
Is it annoying?
May we please recognize the difference between want and need? Here is how it started for me and kept going like a pink bunny with sunglasses on:
Step 1 – Going through everything owned and studying the use of it all. Some questions should come to help: “When I bought this, did I really need it? Have I been really using it? Do I actually need it now? Will I use it from now on?”
Step 2 – Getting rid of all the things that are no longer in use, even if feelings are attached. Some of it might have to go straight to the trash and others can be sold or better yet, become useful donation. This isn’t about getting rid of that painting your late mother gave to you. You can keep that, but if you have saved a box of matches that is now empty and you’ve kept it because it was used at that fun unforgettable party, you need to keep the memory and get rid of that thing.
Step 3 - While lusting after a newfound piece of beauty, remember that question: “Do I need this?” You do need it and can get it, great, go for it. You only want it, admire it and move on.
I know what I own, exactly where it is placed, and how it is used. This is coming from someone who was close to becoming an episode of the Hoarders. When I get out there to shop, I have to be sure the item is needed and will be used for a very long time. If I love fresh flowers and own a vase, there is absolutely no need for me to own twenty vases around the house to just sit there.
As a good girl/good boy gift, you can pick a favorite thing and get a new version of it every now and then even though you don’t need it. Must end it on this note because I have allowed myself to enjoy that gift. Hey, I deserve it. Watches. My love for a watch has been there since I was too short to reach an adult’s knee and it never left, so, I will buy another watch again… even though there is one wrapped around my wrist right now, working perfectly. There you go. You love to collect vases and have fifty of them just sit there in your house, you treat yourself to that joy. Just don’t buy so many it reaches a scary level. Keep your gift tamed as well.
Try those 3 steps and feel the freedom. It feels so amazing not having to wonder where that thing is because it is somewhere in between so many other things you don’t even know exist. Just try it.
Always nice when someone appreciates the way you function instead of laughing at it. My 8-year-old cousin appreciates my ways.
Cousin: One of the many reasons you are my number one favorite cousin is that you are not behind a cell phone or iPad or laptop all the time like everyone else. Thank you.
Me: You’re welcome, and one of the many reasons you are my number one favorite person is that you think all of that is good and don’t make fun of me because of it like everyone else. Thank you.
Cousin: You’re welcome!
Yeah. I have a basic phone and a laptop I use at home.
Technology has advanced so greatly, there is no room to live outside of it.
If you’re an adult and support the PETA organization, I can’t respect you because obviously you’re spoon-fed and don’t have a problem with it.